I hate it when I spend an enormous amount of time contemplating a decision and then share that decision with my husband and he simply says "okay". ERG! Yes it's fantastic that he agrees with me and it didn't become a huge fight or anything but it would be nice if he would inquire about my thought process and kinda go through his own. Maybe it's because I don't fully trust myself and I want him to question me so I know he's thought it all they way through because I can trust him. (hope you followed that)
So now that I've gone off on that little tangent let's talk about what started that little digression...
In my last entry I talked about family size. Well after much more thought I came to the conclusion that God gave us signs for a reason. In Genesis 1 that the stars are to mark the seasons, and Psalms 104 talks about the moon knowing it's season and the sun knows when to go down, and Jeremiah talks about the birds knowing their season to migrate. Anyway all this to say that God put into His design some very obvious cycles and I don't think that the cycle of a woman is any different. We have obvious signs of ovulation and a limited space of time to possibly get pregnant. It's relatively easy to avoid pregnancy without using any artificial means. It seems to me that God wouldn't make it so incredibly obvious if He didn't expect us to use it.
Now I'm very open to God superseding my actions and giving me another baby. I would never do anything permanent or use anything hormonal, we'd be relying entirely on my ovulation "symptoms". I certainly know that God has the power to create life at any time he wants, whether I'm ovulation or not.
All this to say I do believe we are done (I may very well change my mind in a year-haha). I really want to focus on doing things as a family and getting my midwifery education taken care of and hopefully a practice started in the next ten years. Adding more children will make that more difficult. I want to take family vacations and spend time doing things with the kids, it's already hard with 5. Not only is it expensive, but it's also difficult for us to do things with a 10yr difference in children's ages. Their interests are very different, as is their understanding.
So I've thought this through, but I'm still feeling like I'm somehow disobeying. I don't know if it's because I've spent so much time "defending" our family size with my faith or what. Or, maybe it's because I've told umpteen million people that we'll never done. I don't know, I'm sure I could sit around and psychoanalize the decision all day. Instead I'm going with it, leaving room for God to step in at anytime.