Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Pregnant Still

So it's officially my due date. Seven previous pregnancies and I've never gotten here. This has me in a tail spin. I don't know what to do, what to think.

*Why am I not going into labor? Am I just old and my body isn't producing the hormones it needs to get things going?

*How big will this baby be? If I have 8.5lbers at 38wks what happens when I get to 40?

*I've had two "sticky" babies before, will this one be able to navigate it's way out okay, especially if he's bigger?

I found myself looking through the archives looking at induction methods! I had some pre-eclampsia symptoms Monday, but seem to have it under control now. Still I feel like I need to get this baby out! The midwife in my head says to be patient and let my body do what it needs to do. The crazy lady says my body doesn't know how to do it anymore. There is another part that is apprehensive about going through labor again. I'm worried about being able to handle it, about pushing out a baby that's on the bigger side, about having a healthy baby. I want to hold and cuddle my baby, I want to nurse and lay in bed smelling him all day. But I'm scared to get there, I'm scared he might not last. I caught a goregous, perfectly healthy baby last year that never took a breath. I don't know what happened, cord accident is the official cause of death. It pressed on me just how delicate the balance between life and death really is. I'm scared to take that chance... is that why I'm still pregnant?


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