Monday, June 16, 2008

Am I broken?

I'm just so sad right now. I'm worried my body isn't working right... I just finished up what would be the second cycle after the D&C, more technically the first since I'm not sure you can count the D&C as the start of a cycle but it did appear I ovulated... anyway I only had a 10 day luteal phase and a 25 day cycle! Normally I have a 13-15 day LP and a 30-32 day cycle. The miscarriage was most likely due to a lack of progestrone and that is also what will cause a short luteal phase (the luteal phase is the time between the release of the egg and the period, this is the time that if a baby is going to be made it will, 10 days is generally not enough time for an egg to implant)
I just don't understand why, all of a sudden, my body doesn't know what it's doing!?!? Will I struggle to get pregnant? Will I be able to carry a baby? What is going on?!? I just want to cry. I've never had a problem getting pregnant, I've had great pregnancies and wonderful births, is this all going to change for me?
Am I old? (33) is it the water? (constantly getting notices of it's problems)Have I had too many pregnancies? (nahhh!) What am I supposed to do?
I just don't know where to go from here. I desperately want to get pregnant, I'm dieing to have new life growing within me, a new baby at my breast... I suppose most don't understand this desire, especially from a woman that already has 6 children. But it's there and it's ever so strong, pulling at my heart, twisting up my gut, bringing forth the tears.
We don't have insurance so a simple little blood draw isn't all that simple, but I think that's where I want to start. Having my progesterone tested this cycle...