Friday, September 23, 2011

What's in a name?

Today I legally changed my name to Camarell. I'm sure most of you are saying "I thought your name was Camie" well let me try to explain...

I grew up as Camie, this is the name my father gave me. My father also gave me a black eye, whiplash, numerous bruises, and emotional trauma. Life with him was never easy, he was angry, abusive and nothing was ever good enough for him. I have spent my life believing the lies he's told me, that I'm worthless and stupid. I've finally replaced those lies with the Truth. I've worked hard to quiet his voice, to stop letting the hurt dictate who I am. That hurt directed me in many ways. I spent too many years trying to prove, in all the wrong ways, that I was worth something. I did things I'm not proud of, I hurt people in ways I'll likely never know. I perpetuated what I was taught...

I'm not that person anymore. I've learned so much, changed so much. God has worked a wonder in me and I needed a tangible representation of that change, so I stopped using Camie. This was a symbol of sloughing off the past, of uprooting the weeds that had grown in my heart. It was a way to remove myself from the person who gave me the name and was the source of so much of the pain.

When I first heard this song I thought they said "you have been renamed" and it resonated with me. I was in tears, God had given this song to me! I was a little deflated when I found the lyrics but either way it is my life song and I still feel God gave this song to me. I am more, I have been remade and now I have been renamed.

My birth certificate reads Carmerall. My mother left when I was young so I never knew how she intended my name to be pronounced, my grandmother always pronounced it Camarell, with the accent on Cam and a slight draw on rell. I like it, I think it's beautiful.

I'm still growing, I'm still struggling, but I'm hanging on to the truth that I am MORE and I have been remade. My "new" name is a triumph in my life. I got to the top of the mountain, I faced my demons and with the strength of Christ I came out on the other side a new creation.

I know some of you struggle with the "new" name and for that I'm sorry. I hope you can try to understand why it's important to me. It's part of leaving the past behind me and moving forward. It's becoming the person I want to be and leaving behind the person I was.

2 Corinthians 17-21
Therefore if anyone is in Christ, she is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation.

Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.


Blogger Betty Anne White said...

I too thought the song said "you have been renamed!"

I also went to court to change my name. So much had changed in my life, and in my redeemed life a name was being made. The last name I carried was either from two husbands that left me, or a father who horribly abused me. Then the thought just dropped in my mind, "why not change that?"

Since childhood I had thought about changing my name. So one day I did. The last name I now has is "White" because God has done something new in me.

Thank you so much for sharing this!

December 02, 2015 7:09 PM  

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