Time flies

Beginning week 4.... today was another day of prenatals, another LONG day. It seems every week is a long day of back to back prenatals. Sometimes it's hard to be "on" all that time. What's really hard though is being the apprentice and keeping my mouth shut. Anyone who knows me knows I like to talk and that I have a pretty good knowledge base. Even Janessa has commented that I'm fairly knowledgeable. None the less these are her clients so regardless of what I know or what I think I know I really need to keep my mouth shut unless asked to comment. I don't always do well with this. I have a tendency to interrupt, or when I think a person is searching for a word I give it to them, but I do it a lot, so it's more like consistent, casual interruptions than anything helpful. I also have to really think about how I word things. Like today Joy asked if I thought this lump was head or butt, I felt it, felt at the pelvis and thought that it was probably butt. Well Janessa came over and felt and said that was head. My response "You think that's head?!" it sounded a bit condescending I think, or like I was questioning her findings rather than questioning what brought her to that conclusion. There is a way to ask why someone thinks something in a way that doesn't suggest they are wrong and I think I failed at asking that way.

On a personal note I've accomplished NOTHING the whole time I've been here! I've been pretty busy with Janessa and it seems I've had no time to do any of the things on my list. I had a huge list of projects like handouts on protein and GBS that I wanted to do and it seems I'm getting back to my hotel in time to eat and go to bed. I'm missing my kids and husband something awful! I feel like the tears are just waiting to spill over. I can't wait to see them!

Last time on the babylady memoirs....

okay so it's been a year and a half since I last posted, so lets recap....

I stopped posting essentially because the midwives I was working with had a loss. It was pretty traumatic and because it wasn't my birth or my client I didn't know how much I should post or how to handle it. The whole thing really shook me and the midwife I was with...

The pregnancy went well until the last trimester and then it got a little rough. Just hard to walk and generally painful but for the first time I didn't have any real preterm labor stuff!! I have a theory on that... Generally speaking once a woman has had preterm labor for an "unknown" reason she's likely to have it again in subsequent pregnancies. Some theorize that there is a slight bacterial infection. Well I've had preterm labor since my second child. After the birth of my first child I had an abnormal pap, they found abnormal cell growth on my cervix at my 6wk check up. I have always been pretty sure that those "abnormal cells" came from the hospital but anyway... so I had a DNC 4 months prior to this pregnancy, which really strips the entire surface of the uterus. I don't know, it could be a coincedence but I don't think so. I need to do more research, like the list isn't already a mile long! LOL

We decided to let CJ go live with his father in WI. It's been rough for me and his siblings, but all in all I think it's been good for him. He's been gone since last January.

So baby boy Gavin was born 3/10/09 on his sisters birthday. She was very happy to have him share her birthday. The birth went mostly well, he got a little stuck. There was a full minute (not too long, but longer than my others) between head and shoulders and I had to push with all my might to get his shoulders and the rest of his body out, as well as assume a funky one leg up one leg down lean to the right kinda position. He was also a little slow to start, but not enough to warrant anything more than a brisk rub down. We had a little problem nursing at first, but got his frenulum cut and was very careful how I latched him on and it went great from there.

I took what was supposed to be a break from the apprenticeship in Oct. I thought I'd return when the baby was about 6m but after some reflection I decided it just wasn't a good fit for me. I just don't think her teaching style works well with my learning style.
So now I'm working with a midwife in Arkansas. She was a friend's midwife, and that friend ended up training with her and a year and a half later is a CPM!

Nathan is home full time now, a huge blessing and what's allowing me to do this. We're all moving to Arkansas!! More on that later... So you're pretty much up to speed, not alot happens in my life I guess :)

News!

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Am I broken?

I'm just so sad right now. I'm worried my body isn't working right... I just finished up what would be the second cycle after the D&C, more technically the first since I'm not sure you can count the D&C as the start of a cycle but it did appear I ovulated... anyway I only had a 10 day luteal phase and a 25 day cycle! Normally I have a 13-15 day LP and a 30-32 day cycle. The miscarriage was most likely due to a lack of progestrone and that is also what will cause a short luteal phase (the luteal phase is the time between the release of the egg and the period, this is the time that if a baby is going to be made it will, 10 days is generally not enough time for an egg to implant)
I just don't understand why, all of a sudden, my body doesn't know what it's doing!?!? Will I struggle to get pregnant? Will I be able to carry a baby? What is going on?!? I just want to cry. I've never had a problem getting pregnant, I've had great pregnancies and wonderful births, is this all going to change for me?
Am I old? (33) is it the water? (constantly getting notices of it's problems)Have I had too many pregnancies? (nahhh!) What am I supposed to do?
I just don't know where to go from here. I desperately want to get pregnant, I'm dieing to have new life growing within me, a new baby at my breast... I suppose most don't understand this desire, especially from a woman that already has 6 children. But it's there and it's ever so strong, pulling at my heart, twisting up my gut, bringing forth the tears.
We don't have insurance so a simple little blood draw isn't all that simple, but I think that's where I want to start. Having my progesterone tested this cycle...

Student Midwife

I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever stop being a student midwife. The more I learn the more I realize I don't know.

I've decided to drop AAMI. I'm not happy with some of the ways Carla has handled things, but more importantly I'm not happy with the curriculum. It's a lot of busy work, things that I really don't think are needed, like writing a Childbirth education workbook for your clients. There are so many great books out there, I can see evaluating several and choosing one you would recommend but writing an entire one??!! Some of these authors have spent years doing that! Why reinvent the wheel. I also feel like the add-ons for the Philomath are not nearly worth what she's charging for them. I paid for the Great Start-4 and am disappointed with the AEU's. The fetoscope one asks for the four ways to hear heart tones and then gives you a chart to record them. Hardly what I would call educational. The 4 year study calendar is printed calendar pages, anybody could create one themselves, I was hoping for something with goal planning and such on it. I haven't requested the NARM study questions yet so I can't comment on those.

So on my preceptors recommendation I'm going through "Becoming a Midwife" by Carolyn Steiger. Much more realistic IMO and things that will actually be useful to my clients and my education. I started on the skills checklist and realized I really need to start using a fetoscope during prenatals. I also want to order a pinard horn. I'd love to find a beautiful hard wood one that was hand crafted, I'm such a sentimental.

I'm struggling with my preceptor. I feel like she's not wanting to call me for births, now maybe they've all just been fast lately, but I don't know... I'm sure it's my own insecurities. I need to talk to her about when she calls me. It seems she doesn't call until after she gets there and decides if I have enough time to make it. I'd rather she called when they called her, especially if they call and put her on alert. I just don't know how to bring it up, I'm so incredibly afraid of offending her, there are no other options for me here. Don't get me wrong, she's far from tyrannical and I agree with how she practices (mostly)so in the grand scheme of things she's great and I couldn't have found a better preceptor. I'm just not sure how to tell her I need more direct teaching and I want to see more births.

I don't feel like I'm learning anything new, but I also don't feel like I'm doing very well at perfecting my clinical skills. I think I've got blood pressure down, but I still struggle with hearing it over the movement of the tubes and such especially if mom is talking and moving her hand. I'm having difficulty with fundal height on many women, especially the fluffy, newly pregnant ones and I haven't memorized FHT chart so I'm always looking like a fool with that.

Gas is getting insane, and it's a 160 miles round trip for every clinic day and then where ever the birth is. I'm sure this has alot to do with why my preceptor doesn't call me, it seems a waste of gas to drive up there to miss a birth. I don't know what to do.

I can't believe I voted for this man/ DNA testing

Bush Signs Bill To Take All Newborns’ DNA

Steve Watson
Infowars.net
Friday, May 2, 2008

President Bush last week signed into law a bill which will see the federal government begin to screen the DNA of all newborn babies in the U.S. within six months, a move critics have described as the first step towards the establishment of a national DNA database.

This actually has been going on for a number of years, though I've been unable to find out just how many, it varies by state. This bill just makes it legal.
The newborn DNA will be collected through the PKU screening offered by all 50 states. In many states it's "required". With a simple heel stick and enough blood to fill 5 tiny circles on a piece of paper the United States Government (and I suppose any peoples they deem worthy) will have a full index of your child's Genetic makeup. Beyond just their DNA they have all the identifying information to go with it, parents name, social security numbers etc. All they need for tracking anyone, anywhere.

The concerns I have are numerous! To begin with

Dec 13, 2007: This bill passed in the Senate by Unanimous Consent. A record of each representative's position was not kept.

Apr 8, 2008: This bill passed in the House of Representatives by voice vote. A record of each representative's position was not kept.

so we can't see how our Representatives voted on this, why should this be kept secret? I'm really interested to know how our presidential hopefuls voted! If anyone has information on this please comment!

Then there is

Establish a national list of genetic conditions for which newborns and children are to be tested.

This sounds benign at first glance, but could this lead to genetic testing for "conditions" that are merely race related? I'm thinking Hilter would have loved a genetic test to determine the "pure race"

Establish protocols for the linking and sharing of genetic test results nationwide.

Who exactly are we sharing this information with? And what are they going to do with it?

Build surveillance systems for tracking the health status and health outcomes of individuals diagnosed at birth with a genetic defect or trait.

Is this surveillance mandatory or voluntary? What happens if a parent chooses unconventional methods of treatment? Will the government intervene??

Use the newborn screening program as an opportunity for government agencies to identify, list, and study "secondary conditions" of individuals and their families.

So genetic testing of anything and everything they think would be interesting, without your consent!

I wonder if Bush would have signed this 4 years ago, when he was up for re-election? Given Bush's stance on stem cell research I would think he'd be a little less likely to endorse genetic testing. I guess you just never can tell, can ya'?

Ron Paul had this to say before the U.S. House of Representatives:

"I cannot support legislation, no matter how much I sympathize with the legislation’s stated goals, that exceed the Constitutional limitations on federal power or in any way threatens the liberty of the American people. Since S. 1858 violates the Constitution, and may have untended consequences that will weaken the American health care system and further erode medical privacy, I must oppose it.

S. 1858 gives the federal bureaucracy the authority to develop a model newborn screening program. Madame Speaker the federal government lacks both the constitutional authority and the competence to develop a newborn screening program adequate for a nation as large and diverse as the United States. …

Those of us in the medical profession should be particularly concerned about policies allowing government officials and state-favored interests to access our medical records without our consent … My review of S. 1858 indicates the drafters of the legislation made no effort to ensure these newborn screening programs do not violate the privacy rights of parents and children"

I'd like to point out that Hillary Clinton was a co-sponsor of this bill...

At what point do we stop? When do we as Americans stand up and say enough is enough!

I demand my privacy

I demand my freedom

I demand the right to raise my children as I see fit

I demand the right to spend my money as I see fit

I demand the ability to refuse government intervention

What are we doing? We're like sheep going to slaughter. We bury our heads in the sand and just assume that "they" have our best interest at heart. WAKE UP PEOPLE! Your grandma isn't an elected official, they don't all love and care for you and are just wanting to see you become the best person possible. They all have their own agendas and most of them include $$