Izzy

I found out I was pregnant Feb 18th. I told my husband and children Feb 20th... I went to my husbands office with a very good friend and we blew up 30 or so balloons and a giant 40" #7. On the wall we hung paper cutout that spelled BABY, a sign with a "Congratulations" and crepe paper streamer of rattles. He got to the office and thought someone had used it for a party or something. I don't think it took him long though to put all the pieces together.
That afternoon the statue I sent to the kids came. I bought the Willow Tree Angel of Mine figure I had it mailed to them from "God". CJ got it pretty quick and they were all so happy. Of course all of them expressed hope in having a girl.

On March 6th, after a long hard hospital transfer, I started spotting, dark brown and only there when I wiped. I went through all I knew and called M for reassurance. She told me it could very well be from spending 10+ hours on my feet on hard concrete hospital floors. Friday I was still spotting and it was getting heavier. I decided to go in for a blood draw, my HCG was 656, normal for this stage of pregnancy is a minimum of 1056. Saturday morning I started to bleed heavy and have some cramping. I had been planning a shopping trip with D for sometime for her birthday so I got to try to suck it up and deal with miscarrying while shopping in Dallas and trying to have a good time with my daughter. I think I did pretty good. Of course I cried a ton Friday night after I got the numbers and I think that helped.

Tuesday is prenatal clinic. I've never had such a hard day. It was so emotionally draining to try to smile and be my usual chipper self while measuring bellies and listening to heart tones. We had one woman who is 11 weeks and we couldn't find heart tones. It's not unusual to not be able to hear them at this point in pregnancy, but it was heart wrenching for me. I cried the whole drive home.

We told the kids last night. I don't think they completely get it, but at least it's out.

I'm still spotting and trying to figure out when I should get concerned. I'm also still getting positive pregnancy tests. I really just want this to be over so I can move on.

I decided to call the baby Izzy, since I don't know the gender, it would be for Isabelle or Isaac.
I ordered this charm from www.myforeverchild.com
and found this great poem on that site as well



Precious Little One
I`m just a precious little one who didn`t make it there.
I went straight to be with Jesus,
but I`m waiting for you here.
Many dwelling here where I live,
waited years to enter in.
Struggled through a world of sorow,
a world marred with pain and sin.
Thank you for the life you gave me,
it was brief but don`t complain.
I have all Heaven`s Glory,
suffered none of earth`s great pain.
Thank you for the name you gave me.
I`d have loved to bring it fame.
But if I`d lingered in earth`s shadows,
I would have suffered just the same.
So sweet family-don`t you sorrow.
Wipe those tears and chase the gloom.
I went straight to Jesus` arms
from my loving Mother`s womb.
~Author Unknown